Searching for a Place Called Home

In this past year and a half since my last blog post, so many big and small, beautiful and challenging events and transitions have unfolded that it feels like they all blend together in a surreal blur of images, painted on a mosaic tapestry of flowing vignettes.  Within this painting however, there are focus points that are incredibly clear in my memory representing significant moments and markers along the way.  Life has a funny way of moving forward so fast, sometimes like a whirlwind and other times like a cool breeze, that you don’t realize all that is happened in a short time; if you don’t catch your breath, the next thing occupies your attention before you had a chance to look back and see how far you’ve come and all that has evolved around you.

The biggest and most significant event that happened in this period of time was the birth and growth of my son Gabriel Lucas, a true treasure who I cherish every day; we continue to be amazed at how fast he is developing.  The name “Gabriel” means God is my strength and “Lucas” means light-giving or illumination.  He was born the night of June 5^th 2015 (just 2 days apart from my own birth date) at a private hospital in Lisbon, Portugal via c-section and weighed about 7 pounds (3.2 kilos).  Since then, he has grown to be a very active, determined, and incredibly cute and charismatic 15 month old toddler who has a smile that will melt you and a fierce curiosity to figure out how things work and interact with everyone.  Truly our pride and joy.  He is already pointing to things he knows, expressing his needs clearly, and sounding out so many pre-language sounds. Hearing him say da-da-da at about 7 months was super exciting for me as well as the day he started to walk—on Father’s day!

Sara (my wife) and I spent Christmas 2014 in the US and in Portugal after she had finished her contract in Timor Leste, and then we decided to spend the first part of 2015 in two in different places, she in Portugal and me in Timor Leste, because she was 4 months pregnant and I had to go back to finish my contract. I stayed there until May to finish up my project work, travel to Nepal for a work trip on child health, sell all our stuff and say goodbye to my colleagues at ChildFund and in Timor, then move back to Lisbon to be with Sara and Maria, in preparation for the birth. Those were difficult days being apart, full of some tears but she was able to visit me and had a pretty smooth second trimester.  In Lisbon, we took pre-natal classes on breastfeeding and basic baby care with a home based nurse, which was super helpful and reduced some anxiety I felt about being a new father.  We also spent time buying a crib, stroller and other baby basics, both feeling overwhelmed with emotion and readiness for the little guy to join us out in the world.  Maria would even ask her mommy to open her mouth so she could call down to Gabriel to pop out alreadyJ During that time, I was working remotely to finalize my deliverables with ChildFund and Sara was struggling with back pain, gestational diabetes, while Maria continued to go through her Pre-K classes at a private school there.  Finally the day came when Sara had so much pain from intermittent contractions that we went to the emergency room and they said much of her amniotic fluid had shrunk and we had to deliver that night; so we had a planned c-section.  The delivery was quite incredible and after lots of pleading with the OBGYN doc, she let me cut the cord… normally they don’t let the hubby do that there with a c-section.  The first time I laid eyes on him, I was amazed how big yet fragile he was.  He did fine on the apgar and the nurse put his cheeks to our cheeks… incredible!  While they completed the operation with Sara, I was with Gabe in post-op, holding him very carefully and reading Psalm 139 to him, pondering how God made him so fearfully and wonderfully! 

The next several months were filled with emotional highs including his first smile and first bite of real food as well as the hard lows of breastfeeding pain (and post-op recovery), long nights with zombie like days.  Having a visit from my parents and sister and her kids was a nice break, as we travelled to the southern beaches of Portugal.  At 3 months of age, he transitioned fully to taking milk from the bottle, while I was spending time searching for a job; we had decided to move to the US at the end of the year to start a new life together, lay down roots and establish our home, just the 4 of us.  Before leaving, we enjoyed several day trips to historical spots in the Portugal, working out at the gym, watching Maria connect with her new baby brother, bonding with Sara’s parents and other in-laws, and also taking an intensive Portuguese course at the local university.  Eu falo melhor agora (I speak better now), but still lots to learn.  I’m grateful to have a multi-cultural and dynamic family of global citizens; I somehow always felt that this would be the case for me.

In November, I worked hard with Sara’s mom to prepare a full turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and invited friends, family and a neighbor over to celebrate this American holiday in Lisbon, which was very memorable… they loved the food!  We also took a very important trip to Guinea Bissau to meet Maria’s biological father, give her a chance to connect with one of her home countries and her own family so she doesn’t forget where she came from, and also have a chance for her to see that she can have two dads without rejecting either.  This trip was well worth it because her father made it clear to her that she should consider me as her father and he granted us all the legal rights to care for her.  Sara also connected with her old friends and achieved more peace about all these complex relationships.

In December, we finally made the big move back to the US to stay with my parents, and spent the first few months of this year near Harper’s Ferry, West Virginia, while I looked for a job.  Sara and the kids meanwhile got adjusted to the new, difficult, and somewhat isolated, cold and snowy life in a rural area in the winter.  Tensions were high at times and the waiting was painful but we survived.    

Maria adapted well to her local school (Kinder) in West Virginia, made new friends, got to know my side of the family even more, and enjoyed her snow days off from school. Sara started a new course in coaching while we received help from a local babysitter. Gabe learned to roll/sit/crawl, sleep longer, and of course charmed us with his amazing belly laugh, while Maria entertained him with songs and dances.  He especially fell in love with baby Einstein shows, listening to objects spoken in different languages, and getting a kick out of the puppets!  Maria was exposed to fast food for the first time, eating at burger king and saying she didn’t understand why they call it fast food when she eats it so slowly!!  Both Sara and Maria referred to me more as her daddy which I consider a milestone in my relationship with my stepdaughter.

In early Spring, after lots of apartment hunting and job searching, we decided to move to a cozy two bedroom apartment in downtown Silver Spring, Maryland.  Around Easter time, I finally had a breakthrough and I was offered a job with ICF International as a senior associate to support several community health projects… ah ha! The Resurrection made real to me in many ways this year.  We yet again relocated ourselves to a new place, moving into our new pad, and making it a new home.  All these changes can't be easy for our little ones but they seem to bounce back and be so resilient! Maria switched again to her third school in Kinder and I started to work as full time staff in mid-April.  ICF is a consulting firm specializing in many sectors with a broad health/development portfolio, including running national health surveys with partners in over 90 impoverished countries. 

Gabe reached his big milestone in June this year- when he turned one year old and then learned to walk a few days later... 10 big steps for a little man!  Now he is nearly running, nearly talking, chewing chunks of food with his new teeth, and adjusted well into a full-time home based local day care as a 15 month old, while Sara scales up her schedule with life coaching work and I continue to be involved in interesting projects at ICF.  Summertime went by so fast yet there were plenty of memorable moments, including Sara’s trip to Portugal with the kids, lots of play dates and summer camps (theater and tennis), tending to the garden with Maria, watching the veggies grow, and Gabe’s babbling with his younger “friend” at day care when falling asleep.  The other big news for our family was Sara and Maria being awarded their green cards (legal permanent residence in the US) and purchasing a second car, enabling us all to have more independence and settle into life here. 

As we start the new school year-- Maria, who is now 6 years old, began first grade already at the same local public school where she ended Kindergarten.  Its part of the Montgomery County system which was the same school system I attended as a kid actually!  As the weather starts to cool down and the leaves begin to change colors, I am reminded that all of that we have built and experienced is a gift from above that could change at any time, so I am thankful for each day.  Family life for Sara and I is definitely challenging at times... just to find time to get good rest, to exercise, meditate, read, and enjoy other things that bring balance but life is often busy so we seek to simplify and find ways to fit these in.  This is our new home that we have longed and searched for and we hope to be stateside for the next several years before the travel bug hits us again.  Maria is bonding more with her brother, new friends and cousins, one with whom she does regular dance presentations and another who is graduating from boot camp, and Gabe continues to be a happy and healthy child.  Sara and I hope to get a few date nights in soon, now that he sleeps better, and looking forward to short trips and other new adventures ahead.  Stay tuned for the next chapter!

A Brand New Life

This new chapter in my life Has Been an extraordinary adventure and blessing.  Most who are reading this already know that  I got married to my girlfriend Sara in early July of this year and I have become a stepfather to her daughter Maria.  So now that I'm a family man, living and working in a place far from home, never thinking or predicting that here in Dili I would have become a proud husband and father!   Of course, I'm really happy to be in this exciting position in my life right now, so grateful for each day with all the new love and relationships surrounding me, and looking forward to life with my own family.   It feels surreal bit that my life Circumstances have changed so much (for the better) just in the span of one year, from single to married, from riding my bicycle home after work to driving a car to pick up my stepdaughter from school, from living out of the hotel to a nice sized house, from watching the live performance to dancing on stage, Among many other good changes.   All of this is an unexpected gift, with such responsibility and joy at the same team That It Seems Like I'm Living Out ​​the story (or at least the desire) that was running in my mind years ago ... and I Wondered if it would ever come to pass.   I guess you can say we have a modern family, writing out the chapters of our own story we live it out the each day.   Being thankful in prayer and loving in our actions has made ​​this experience so much sweeter Despite the challenges and Complexities que come with the new marriage of three lives coming together the one team.

You can see some of the highlights of our Activities over the last few months at this link on my web gallery page which I can resend to you if you don't have it.

In June, we spent most of the month planning for our wedding with the help of a professional wedding planner, Which was a good decision because We Were Both crazy busy with work and There Were just too many details to sort October   We got married on July 5 ^th at the Portuguese Embassy in Dili and our reception was at the local golf course ... Both of Which went really well, because Especially Both of our parents flew in to Dili to celebrate with us.   The whole in-law experience went well, with chemistry good and bonding between my dad and her dad and her mom and my mom, As They spent several days together before the big ceremony.   Our first dance together was the waltz and thanks to my wife's instruction, my dad was able to learn the waltz in the day to prepare for the big ceremony.   Our dance group Also Performed a Timorese traditional dance and salsa circle dance called "rueda" during the reception along with some nice speeches and words of wisdom from our fathers.     

   

After the wedding, Sara and I enjoyed a week in Bali (Gili Islands) for our honeymoon, where we did some snorkeling to see sea turtles and just enjoyed being together and Then We went back to Bali, with Mary, the few months later just to get a bit of a break from the routine.   We spent lots of time at the gym, hosting BBQ dinners with friends, going out to dance and chill with friends, watching TV and reading series, in the midst of childcare and work.   Lots of responsabilidades but we still fit in some leisure time.    Maria, who is 4 years old, keeps life interesting for us, Especially When She makes up new languages ​​/ words to sing along to hip hop songs and walks around the house in her mother's high heels, purse and belly-dancing clothes, acting like she is always on stage.  In October, she redbourn first place in the fashion show at her school Actually, In Which she Represented Guinea Bissau (her native country) with her ​​dress so she is definitely a natural performer.   She will often Do give us a spontaneous dance performances at home on the weekends, somehow remembering her mom's choreography from months ago or give her rendition of "Let It Go" of the Frozen soundtrack.   And When its time to the chores , she insists on helping us with every house chore, even if she does it 10 times slower ... once she gets a broom, she can not let it go, she has to sweep by herself J  She stays busy in pre-school During the day from 8-5pm at 2 different schools and really enjoys making shapes, coloring, counting, and playing with her ​​peers.   All three of us have had plenty of good moments, but have felt que lately, life in Timor has not Been easy and Both we feel ready to move on sometime next year. 

Overall, our work life Has Been challenging Both of us in different ways we balance the family, fun, and delivering on our deadlines, along with the frustration and shock of having our home nearly broken into ... In which the thief was unsuccessful because of the strong bars on our windows.   In Dili, over the past few months, we've dealt with insects / rodent problems in our home, which is common in tropical countries, as well as blackouts, crazy drivers, national legal battles/scandals that threatened Sara's job security, and staff challenges at my job ... but these are the sort of points of tension and struggle that are common in living abroad and working in development.   We feel we have contributed to the development of the people of Timor in our time here but we are a bit tired both and ready for a rest. 

Matters of the Heart

Laughter, gratefulness, joy, play, contentment, confidence, hope, strength, faith, teamwork, friendship, spontaneity, openness, commitment, risk, relationship, meditation, reflection, renewal, poetry, prayer, inner power, wisdom, and most of all love…..  these words describe some of what I have felt and experienced in the last five months since my last blog entry.  Check out the private link I sent out to my photo gallery to get a sense of what all of this looks like for me.  If you have not seen it, then email me and I can send it to you.  

I said a prayer during Christmas last year, giving thanks for all the good gifts in my life but I asked God for help to restore some sense of balance and happiness to my life after a long and hard year of working abroad…. and that prayer has been answered ten fold.  My quality of life has improved so much since December that I still have to pinch myself sometimes to check if this is all really happening.  Here are some of the good things that have unfolded recently:  my Timorese health team is responding better to me and connecting with me on a personal and professional level, our team successfully launched the new Korean funded Maternal Child Health project and a birth registration project, I lost over 20 pounds by eating and exercising A LOT, I moved to a new apartment and bought a new motorbike which makes life so much more enjoyable and accessible, my mom came to visit me in March here in Dili and we had some good bonding time, I started learning Portuguese and joined the dance group again to learn a new salsa choreography, and THE most important and life-giving development in my life is falling in love with my dear friend and dance partner Sara. 

Sara is from Portugal and works as a legal advisor to the public defender here in Dili.  She and I are continuing to rehearse with the salsa dance group and hope to perform again in the coming months.  As she and I start building our lives together with her beautiful 4-year old daughter Maria, I ask myself how could I possibly be so lucky and so blessed, other than just to acknowledge it must all be part of the bigger plan.  Now I realize, more than ever before, that when love hits you, you just feel it in your bones… its unmistakable and undeniable; it sinks into you deep down like an anchor in the ocean depths that doesn’t let go… an anchor to a place that feels like home.  She met my mom so I hope that very soon, she has a chance to meet many of you who are reading this entry.

During the last few months, I’ve been able to witness breathtaking sunsets, go out to new restaurants and social dance sessions, host a barbeque housewarming dinner at my new place with coworkers,  visit Jaco Island to snorkel amidst the intricate and colorful fish and coral, and chill out at the beach and camp and swim from time to time (and even wakeboard near Dili).  This time I didn’t do this alone as I have done in the past;  doing all these things with Sara makes all of this so much better.  Meeting her friends, playing with her daughter, and exploring the world together are some of the new and exciting things happening now.     

Work is going pretty well, however I have not been to the field a lot.  I have little time for development of my technical skills b/c most of my time is consumed with staff management and hiring, supporting local partner staff projects, monitoring budgets and lots of team meetings.  I enjoy the work but it is not consuming my life like it did last year, which is a welcome change for me and for the people around me.  As I open up more to people around me, let them into my inner world, I truly feel that life itself and all its hidden gifts and surprises opens up to me and it’s a positive cycle of giving and receiving in the natural order of things with the stuff that really matters—relationships.  My body, mind, and spirit are in a much better place now compared to last year;  I look at the sun in the morning and evening with a new sense of awe and appreciation.  Love is flowing in me and through me, swirling around me, and carrying me forward each day.     All of this may sound new, a bit over the top… a bit different from my past blog updates, but life has offered me something new and I am partaking in it and committing to it with a full and whole heart and happy to share this with friends and family.  No hesitations, not holding back, and giving myself to the moment and to the people in my life.  I believe that the near and distant future holds many good promises and I am looking forward what unfolds and to sharing this unfolding process with those who are reading this.

Dancing Days and Precious Moments

Liberata, 32, with 5 children. “It’s difficult to take my children to the hospital because it is far and we have no transport money; its $5 using a mikrolet [local bus].  We get money from planting corn, beans, cassava and selling them in the local market, but we use this money to support the children at school and buy food for the family.  When they are sick, I take them to the [recently repaired] clinic to get medicine. Last month I took Saturnina to the clinic and then she was referred to the hospital because “she had a respiratory infection.”   Now Liberata and her children can walk easily to the clinic, which our organization rehabilitated and just inaugurated this month.  The clinic is now staffed by a doctor, nurse, and midwive.  – interview on Dec 4, 2013

The last 6 months in Timor Leste have been action packed, but the top highlight was the dance performance (2 times), in front of crowds over a hundred people; one at a hotel and the other at a sports complex with my new friends (see the photo gallery).  I decided it was time to meet more people and do something I am passionate about- Latin dance- so I took some classes and found myself agreeing to perform in public.  There were 12 of us who practiced for months to master the choreography sequence; mostly Portuguese and a couple of Aussies and Americans and a Timorese guy.  We put together quite a show of various styles: belly dance, oriental solo, bollywood, tango, kizomba, bachata and waltz/salsa.  I only danced the latter 2 styles, but it was so much fun and lots of work, with 3-4 practice sessions per week. 

“Stay grounded, keep centered, knees bent slightly, feel the rhythm and let the beat carry your hips forward…you will be fine, just smile at the audience and have fun!” -- guidance from my dance instructor/partner and my friend Sara.  I take these words as a life lesson. The whole experience taught me some valuable lessons of teamwork, confidence, balance, coordination, posture, and going with the flow, so all that practice was worth it.  I never would have guessed that I would get that opportunity in Dili, but dance performance is pretty popular here.  At the Timorese version of “So you think you can dance” in Dili (a separate event), there were over 7 groups of teenage dancers showing their salsa-kizomba skills and mash-ups of traditional Timor and modern dance/hip hop music.   Pretty talented!

There is plenty of activities that kept me busy every day --work, tennis lessons, some chill time, dancing, etc. but I’m finding that it’s a lot of busy-ness and not much time is left for being-ness, which is a tricky balance for most people, so I am glad to have this time of rejuvination after a year of service abroad…. to pray, spend time at with loved ones, reflect, and read.   Its been a good year but as usual, my expectations are too high so I am re-calibrating and re-prioritizing and seeking now to achieve a bit better physical and spiritual health, which has been a bit compromised with all the work.  Seeking to improve community health and building cross-cultural bridges are things that are deeply meaningful to me and I enjoy the work, but it’s not easy. I am however, learning the importance of wellness and good health in my own life as I serve others, which can be draining at times.  Striving towards wellness, in all dimensions, for myself and for those around me, is a priority for 2014 as I seek to build my technical skills and spiritual disciplines. 
 

We recently received news from our donor about the big health proposal...  Thanks to the efforts of our team and for the kindness of the Korean people (and of course some help from the big Man above), we were awarded a 3 year grant to carry out a maternal and child health project in rural Timor, which will start next year.  The project will involve teaching volunteers to help families manage common childhood illnesses at the household level, rebuilding clinics, and training government health staff.  Starting such a 3 yr project is a bit daunting, knowing I am the lead manager on this, but I’m happy to have a supportive boss as we build our team.    I will also be starting a small birth registration project with our team next month so a lot will be on my plate, in addition to writing new proposals and managing old projects.  Many Timorese families don’t register their children at birth, either because they are born at home and there is no follow up, or the priest gives a new name at baptism, which nullifies the registered name.  We were happy to also complete our malaria project, in which no malaria cases were reported in our project area and now families are equipped with bed nets, although our volunteers will receive much less support. 

Our team participated in several trainings in the past few months on how to build awareness around disability, on disaster risk reduction, on youth financial literacy, and behavior change communication, increasing their skill set as they advise our local partners and field staff to better serve children and their families.  Staffing issues have been challenging, especially motivating some staff, which have delayed some of original project plans, so I’ve had done a few coaching sessions and feel I am connecting with our health staff, but its slow.  Our regional director visited in August and was impressed with the progress our staff are making, as he witnessed our volunteers educate moms on malaria prevention and he played with kids at our revitalized Early Childhood Development center.  One of the farmer groups in the area he visited has started their own chicken and gardening project with just a few resources that we gave them, and appears sustainable so far.  Our other local staff teams went to learn about successful projects in Indonesia and shared lessons with us. 

In October, we held a big march and song & theatre performance with exhibition tables at our 75^th anniversary and in November, I attended a training in Bangkok, Thailand on a new software package for business development (see gallery photos).  The Buddhist temples in Bangkok are breathtaking and other-worldly and the tuk-tuk drivers (motor taxis with cabs) are quite entertaining.   My colleagues and I took a 1 hour detour through the city because the tuk-tuk guy was convinced we needed a “happy” massage, completely misinterpreting our message to find a place to go shopping.  We finally took a taxi home, but it was funny watching the facial responses of my former boss during this little fiasco, not knowing where we would end up.   

In December, we held an inauguration ceremony of a rural government clinic that we renovated (mentioned above), which was a big achievement for us and interviewed some families.  Just this past week I started my home leave and visited Bali, then went to see some friends in Sumatra- Indonesia, which was my first time to this part of the country.  Beautiful land and kind people!  I took a nice long shower in very tall waterfall, chatted with the locals, and had a chance to reconnect with old friends.  Finally the holidays have arrived so time to just chill.  One my fellow salsa dancers is a US navy guy and he had some of us over at his camp for thanksgiving, so it was nice to be with some fellow Americans during this important tradition.   2013 was a good year and I believe 2014 will be even better, God Willing- Maromak Hakarak, full of learning, wellness, imagination, creativity, and new opportunities.