In Transition

Once again, I am in a time of transition, in the gray zone, neither here nor there, trying to live into each day while working towards the next steps of the unfolding plan in my life. Everything has it's time and as I am in transition, I realize that like the changing of the seasons, some things must die for new life to flourish, so I'm trying to figure out what that means by being aware and reflective of this moment, of events of the past year, and of myself- my strengths/weaknesses, my passions, and my potential.  Famous science fiction author Isaac Asimov once said, "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that is troublesome."

The last few months have been exciting and a bit tumultuous, filled with several unexpected events.  In June, my supervisor in Tanzania approved me to be a program manager on my final evaluation, however positions were quite limited this year within the agency due to a shift in company strategy, to more of a business model with less positions available globally for ex-pats.   So since that time, I've been making contacts and putting in applications for public health work with other NGOs in Africa, mostly focused on HIV, child health, nutrition and disability oriented projects... and I'm still looking.  Later in June, I visited friends in Dar and also went to the field to participate in a workshop for community health workers on nutrition and the benefits of the orange flesh sweet potato for children (OFSP-especially vitamin A for vision).  I had a chance to enjoy a bunch of different OFSP products -cooked up by the participants, including juice, chips, chapattis (tortillas), and rice, among others.  During June, I also worked as a volunteer to assist the manager of an orphanage with his fundraising strategy and spend more time playing football/soccer with the kids. 

In July, I supported my colleagues with another training on the economic and health benefits of the Moringa tree and continued to assist with budget and evaluation activities of the OVC-orphan vulnerable children-project focused on strengthening the household economy.  I also had the opportunity to visit a traditional dance event near Mwanza, watching young Sukuma warriors (the local tribe) do an incredible choreographed number--which is usually done with a large snake, but I missed that one-- where dance circles would form with the local people gathering around to see the different patterns of dance and costumes of their people.  Just near the dance session was a Catholic church called Bujora, which I visited, illustrating the blend of modern and traditional cultures in the homily and the architecture.  The Sukuma people are one of the biggest tribes in Tanzania and are mostly peaceful farmers (however many have jobs in the city now), practicing modern and ancient traditions, as well as having a deep respect for the forces of nature and their ancestors.   Most of the people I worked with in the field were from the Sukuma tribe.

July was actually a very difficult month for me.  Not only was I dealing with uncertainty around my job situation, but also both of my dogs died! The older male dog “Crocodile” caught a really bad airborne virus and just was not strong enough to fight it off.  He was already 10 years old.  The other dog “Cheetah” died from poisoning, supposedly by thieves who threw a piece of poisoned food over my fence as part of their master plan to break in the house.  Actually, the day that Cheetah got fatally sick was when the thieves had cut another large hole into my fence the night before (for the second time), likely when my security guard was sleeping or collaborating with them.  Needless to say, he was fired and nothing was stolen.  But it was unnerving to have this happen twice and my second dog die within weeks of my departure.  Very sad.  My gardener and I buried both dogs in the backyard and said a prayer for their entrance to doggie heaven or wherever their spirits go.  This was at the same time that one of my colleagues from Geita, a 36 year old mother, passed away from complications due to a blood clot in her leg--- much too young to die, but only God knows why that happened.  My supervisor and team went to her funeral in another part of the country. 

After filling out those incident reports, low and behold about a week later, 2 thieves broke into my locked car and stole my backpack, which had my work computer, my house keys, my iPod, and a few other electronic items.  I had parked on a major road during daylight hours and went grocery shopping, and came back 5 minutes later to see that my door was busted and my backpack was gone.  I was so mad and shocked, and asked the local storeowners if they saw anything, but not a word or a witness!  No doubt these guys were tracking me.  So I went with a coworker to report it to the police and of course to my employer, but felt it was pointless since many police officers are corrupt anyway.  Since the thieves stole my keys, I was locked out, so I crashed at a hotel that night.  Over the next few days, I figured the computer, with all my important data, was gone and I was trying to grieve these losses one at a time.  Amazingly, about a week later, the lead investigator, who is a local cop with a super tight puma shirt and a big potbelly, promised me that he and his team would find the guys who took my bag.... and they did!  They actually took me to the police station and brought out the 40-year-old poor dude who stole my bag... a raggedy thief and looking clueless and guilty.  I felt bad for him.  I had no words.  So they put him in the rear of a land cruiser and cuffed him to the car seat as we went looking for the guy who bought and re-sold my computer.  Me and the puma-guy and his team went in and out of the shacks within inner-city Mwanza and found the mom and sisters of the buyer, trying to convince them to hand over their guilty relative, as they pointed to me, the do-gooder white guy in need of his stolen laptop! It was like out of a movie.  A series of other events happened which eventually led the cops to find the laptop from a forth buyer about 100 km away, but my belief is that the police had the laptop the whole time... just waiting for my USD$200 tip.  The cop actually described how the computer was stolen, step-by-step and the thieves only sold it for $250! He also told me how many murder and theft cases he cracked, boasting how good he was.  Anyhoo, the cop gave me the re-formatted laptop and luckily I had backed up most of my data.  What a crazy experience!  I learned the importance of always being aware of my surroundings and sadly, that sometimes a little “incentive” helps to get the job done in working with a corrupt institution.  

Of course these were isolated negative events which occurred in succession, for which I am not casting blame or hatred, but accepting that the bad comes with the good anywhere on earth at anytime.  Its just part of life.  I hold my time in TZ close to my heart as a positive experience.      

During the first part of August, I mostly spent time with my Tanzanian friends, enjoying the moments which remained and also visited a field site north of Mwanza to observe how another US-based NGO is using USDA funds to implement a school feeding program with local partners, training teachers and parents to carry out healthy food preparation and organize the people to build new classes and buy books for the kids.  Very innovative work for sure!  I had a chance to do some shopping, say goodbye to friends, and come back home in mid August, just in time for a big family reunion-which is what I was longing for.  I was able to stop in Nairobi on my way home for informational interviews and also visit some of my childhood spots like my old house and school.  Honestly, I am very happy with the work I was able to accomplish: assisted with the management of 2 health projects, visited various communities in the field at least 15 times to assist with multiple projects, built capacity of a few local co-workers on evaluation methods, assisted with proposal writing and strategic planning, wrote technical reports, and learned about budgeting/finance.  I also hiked to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, visited beautiful beaches and the Serengeti, formed meaningful relationships with Tanzanians, and fell in love.  I learned how to live in the moment, appreciate the people and events around me, and make the most of each day.   

I am now staying with my family in Martinsburg, West Virginia (eastern tip just near DC) for the time being as I search for another international development job that is a right fit for me.  I'm hoping to return to the field as soon as possible, preferably to Eastern or Southern Africa, to continue building my experience as a public health technical specialist.  I've had a few interviews and I turned down what looked like an offer because it was not the right job for me.  So as I part of my selectiveness yet openness to work and travel, I know there are inner tensions I must deal with.  It's an uncomfortable and uneasy place to be for sure.  I knew that with no guarantee of employment, the next step would not be automatic, so that realization is helping harness my patience. 

With patience and consciousness, I am trying to accept the present uncertainties, trusting God has a plan for me and is continuing to inter-work that plan through my life, using those setbacks and challenges of the past as I put in my effort and live with passion and focus.   I know this is a temporary state right now and I have faith that the goals I have in mind for my future will somehow come to fruition, learning to be grateful for the good times I've had, for what I've been given, and to simply keep looking and moving forward.   I know there are a lot of people out there in my position, so I'm thankful to have support of friends and family to help get me through this tough time.   It helps me to remember this Buddhist quote: “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” 

At the Crossroads

 “At one village near Lake Victoria, where some community members have received training and support, a 14 year old female takes care of her four younger sisters and brothers plus her grandfather. The grandfather is so old and ill that he cannot engage in any productive economic activity. On occasion, this orphan and vulnerable child (OVC) does not attend school because she must go to the lake shore to beg for fish from fishermen (sometimes in exchange for sex) to feed the family and will try to sell the fish to meet the needs of her siblings.  All children living in this household, including the OVC, do not have enough food to meet their basic nutritional needs, nor access most of basic requirements for a descent livelihood.  She has little time to attend classes with little support from neighbors.  All of this has led to a persistent feeling of low well being as reported by this young girl.”  

-Excerpt from a recent report of a home monitoring visit in the field as part of the OVC Household Strengthening Project

Unfortunately, heart wrenching stories like these are too common out here in the rural zones of Tanzania.  After carefully researching/analyzing at least 30 maps as part of our organizational strategic planning process, I found that high rates of food insecurity, child labor, HIV, gender disparities, child mortality, and water-related shocks are some of the key development challenges affecting some of the most drought-affected and impoverished regions of the country.  If this burden isn’t high enough, the discrimination against albinos and women in addition to many corrupt government officials and poorly implemented health/education policies at all societal levels prevents many households such as this one from escaping the cycle of poverty.  Through my many project assignments and field visits, I’ve heard some of these stories and talked with local project partners/leaders about how to resolve these issues, and there is never an easy solution when structures are set against the poorest of the poor.  Nevertheless, there is still hope and good things being done by a host of NGOs.  I’ve been privileged enough to see some of these changes at the household level, where families can get a microloan to send their child to school, build a brick house, or start a new business, in addition to farmers with highly profitable produce to lift up the well being and income of the family.  Many well intentioned families are stuck in the crossroads of poor infrastructure/policies in addition to old practices/beliefs which hinder progress while also finding new and innovative ways to save money and invest it in the lives of their family members.

It’s cool to see how national NGO staff members work with partners and villagers to change lives through the support and training they provide.  Nevertheless, there are disappointing moments when you see partner staff misuse the money we give them and sleep on the job when they should be supporting and educating the needy.  One guy who works at a local community based group was sleeping during a recent microfinance meeting at a lake island community, chatting on facebook, then sleeping with his mistress each night!  There are strong partners though who have solved complex problems and it’s our job to facilitate that process of problem solving in the implementation and monitoring of good social programs that achieve results.  I hope to continue making a contribution in these sorts of projects keeping in mind stories like this 14 year old girl and the overall purpose of my time here in Tanzania (TZ).  

The work so far has been challenging but rewarding in the last few months.  In collaboration with staff, I drafted and submitted vulnerability mapping and annual reports for my organization’s country program, organized the logistics for a community health worker training on a new tuberculosis project, learned a lot about finance and procurement and donor rules/regs through a bunch of workshops, co-facilitated an OVC training, met with local government officials and went to the field at least 5 times for project visits.  Through my fellowship evaluation, I’ve learned more about how I work with others, learned about my strengths/skills and challenges, and set new goals for myself.  Overall, it’s been a positive experience with a few glitches along the way of course.

I’ve also gotten a chance to get to know my colleagues more as friends and deepen other friendships outside of work.  In April, I held my first house party for local NGO staff which I had originally planned to do 5 months ago, but I’m always in the field.  Everyone said they had a good time and we stayed up late listening to music, dancing, and telling stories.  I spent time with friends in Dar over Easter and had a chance to visit a nearby island which resembled the beaches of Zanzibar… amazing! I’ve also gotten to know other people through social events such as going to see live bongo shows (local youth music here), and volunteering a few times at an orphanage center.  At the center, I had a chance to kick around the football (soccer) a few times with the kids, in which they outran me and scored on me a few times… all in good fun!  The kids and especially villagers love to call me Masanja when I go to the field, which is my local Sukuma (tribe near Mwanza) name which I was told means “togetherness” but is often associated with the national comedian in TZ named Masanja.   In May, visited the museum dedicated to Julius Nyerere (first president of TZ) where I had a chance to get a tour by his daughter Rosemary and see his big library, place where he lived, and also his gravesite.  It was pretty amazing to feel the spirit of the great founding father of the nation and learn about his history.  I also visited the Sukuma museum near Mwanza to check out some dancing/drumming and cultural history with my gardener, so that was super fun.  Just this past week, some colleagues took me out to dinner for my birthday to eat local fish and also give me a couple gifts/ souvenirs to remember them.  Good times!

I’m definitely gonna miss this country and my friends here, but I knew this fellowship was only for a year and new opportunities lie ahead.  I’ve learned more about myself and gained new skills.  I am for sure at the crossroads of the next step in my career, trusting that God will provide for me exactly the right type of position and new experience as I seek these positions and remain open to new adventures.  I have my sights set on becoming a more experienced technical health program manager in international development, but who knows what will happen next.  Life is full of twists and turns and surprises, so I am looking forward and preparing for the next step.  I’m so thankful for all the prayers and support from friends and family during this time and eternally grateful for all the experiences I have had in Mwanza, Dar, and in the field.  Let’s see what happens.  It may take me a while to reach my goals, but I’ll get there eventually. 

There is a Swahili proverb which sums it up nicely: “Kawia ufike… ukiona vyaela vimeundwa”— “better to delay and get there… the important thing is to reach your goal b/c nothing comes out of nothing, and one must work for what one wishes to achieve”

New Visions from the Heights to the Shores

From the roof of Africa to the whitesand shores and turquoise waters of Zanzibar, living and traveling in Tanzania almost feels like a dreamscape of incomparable sights and sounds.  God has been gracious enough to give me a glimpse of this rich and bio-diverse land, along with many meaningful work and personal relationships and memorable experiences. In the past couple months, I’ve spent time in the capital city “Dar”, worked in Arusha, took 2 weeks of vacation to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro (Kili) and visit the tourist attractions of TZ with my family, and also went on several field site visits around Lake Victoria.  I’m just now returning from Dar to Mwanza after a weeklong workshop of strategic planning and visioning with my colleagues to determine the new directions that my organization will take in TZ for the next 5 years.  I’ve filled my time in between with reading, reflecting, and chillin’ with friends.   

In December, a very close and dear Tanzanian friend of mine got into a car accident and I spent two weeks in Dar to help her with her recovery from a fractured vertebrae giving a bit of therapy and exercise.  That was pretty scary since she lost total consciousness after being hit by a truck, which caused her car to flip over thrice.  But angels were watching over and I got a chance to spend Christmas and New Years with her and her family, enjoying the beaches of Dar as well as a quiet office, catching up on some work.  In January I went to the field to monitor the OVC/HIV project two times and to assist with trainings.  I really enjoy being with my colleagues/partner group in the field, witnessing the positive work they are doing.  I also come across disturbing situations.  One lady, who claimed she was being punished by the “directors” (ie. gods of nature) seemed to be demoralized, hanging her head as she pointed out her little mini-sweat lodge with her dejected grandchildren looking on.  Pretty sad actually b/c the kids are all vulnerable and not even getting enough food to eat or the chance to attend school during their grandmother’s period of self punishment.  Other families however are making good use of their microloans and saving up to invest in new businesses.  Sitting down over a cold beer, the staff from our partner organization recently told me they wish I could stay longer to work with them, so that was touching.  I am already missing them.  I’ve been blessed to have such an animated and dynamic supervisor along with supportive colleagues in the field. 

I also went to Arusha in Jan. to visit 2 different sites to help document water projects (Gates Foundation and privately funded) via video/audio/foto methods and learned so much about how we are dealing with climate change/deforestation here along with working in schools and villages where whole people groups cannot access descent water or land to live on, partly b/c of unjust policies and land grabs.  I helped guide the water team in assembling a documentary about the projects, which I hope will be out by the time I leave TZ.  Of course, many thanks goes to my sister-in-law Kelly for her guidance on how to properly edit and document these stories.  I also got a chance to visit a local lake, some pubs, and drive by the international criminal court on genocide from Rwanda, which is closing up now.  Pretty chill town, with cool weather and truly an international flavor.  It’s actually the center of Africa in terms of latitude.  I visited a Masaai boma as well and learned how they are adapting to climate change, altering their lifestyle from pastoral to farming, which is a means of survival; no one is untouched!

While I was in Arusha, I climbed to the peak of Mt. Kili with 2 friends and 20 porters!  This is the highest mountain in Africa standing at 19,850 feet and the tallest free standing mountain in the world, so it felt pretty amazing to get to the top, especially knowing that all the snow might be melted by 2025 b/c of deforestation at the foothills, which actually made that part a bit sad as we ascended, seeing only half the glaciers that I used to see from a distance as I child when I lived in Kenya.  The highest point is called Uhuru “freedom” peak and it took 6 days to reach and 1 day to descend.  The last 3000 feet before reaching the peak was really difficult b/c of the incline and the thin air, not to mention it involved a 7 hr hike with almost no sleep.  Some people had to turn back before reaching the peak b/c of altitude sickness, but thankfully we were all able to make it to the top, although i should have prepared my  body more than i did.  I think b/c I was determined to reach my goal and also see the most amazing sunrise of my life (see the photos).  It really felt as though I was peering into space looking over those massive glaciers named after different explorers and distant mountain ranges and vast seas of white clouds just below the peak.  It was breathtaking just seeing such a deep blue sky and breathing such clean air.  Nothing like it for sure!  I really felt that I achieved a life goal and proud that I could make it after my dad had climbed it in the 1990s.  So that was well worth the couple thousand dollars of savings I put into that and all the effort.   We had a great team and an awesome guide who I ended up becoming good friends with.  We had a lot of good conversations on the way up, learning about flora and fauna, walking through the rain forest, desert lands, low lying clouds and taking in the beautiful sights.  It rained only 1 time and none of us got sick, thank God!  Our neighbor’s tent at the base camp however was picked up by a dust storm and blew down the mountain several hundred feet, so that gave everyone a little scare.  All in all, it was an incredible journey. 

In February, I had the added bonus of getting another week off to tour through the Serengeti and Zanzibar with my mom, dad, and sister, who flew all the way out to see me and visit my home in Mwanza.  We had an awesome time, seeing lots of wild game (even 3 leopards at the same tree) and swimming in the crystal clear water of Zanzibar.  We went on a really cool spice tour, which is the claim to fame for the island since the days of when the Sultan of Oman ruled over this treasure trove of natural riches… learning about the agronomy and uses of cloves, vanilla bean, cinnamon bark, nutmeg, among others.  Our well educated local tour guide also gave us an intense politico-historico-religious tour, teaching us such things as the disparities of taxation policies and mineral rights between the mainland and the island and the unique flavor of how Islam is practiced in this kick back tourist setting.  To see an Indian man running a business with Black Tanzanians working for him and fully veiled women with Arab heritage and white tourists as customers might be common scene in the marketplace... a place of diversity and much tolerance where mosques and chapels are located side by side.  Religious tolerance isn’t always prevalent in TZ b/c of political divisions and even historical bitterness of determining who actually owns what property when it comes to churches and schools.  As a piece of trivia, the first building with electricity in Africa was in Stone Town, Zanzibar, a place ruled by the Portuguese, Brits, Omanis, and local tribes.  This diverse set of “rulers” also brought a horrible legacy of slavery, but we were glad to see that there was a strong history of abolition on the island.  Actually, when we were at the museum which discussed slavery, we ran into a former president of TZ who happened to be just strolling through the building.  I almost said “shikamoo” to him which is a sign of respect here, but he didn’t look in my direction. 

I especially enjoyed the annual music festival “Sauti Za Busara”= “Sounds of Wisdom” in this town, which is where we stayed.  There were 40 African music/dance groups performing over 5 days at an old colonial fort, full of tourists and locals (mostly the former).  I went with my dad and sister for one day to take in the sounds of Africa and watch the old and young people of all colors dance to the music.  I can’t forget about the 2 hour boat trip that my dad and I made to a remote mini-island (frequented by Bill Gates and other heavy hitters) to go snorkeling, in which about 4 women got sea sick and puked for about 1 hour off the side into the deep blue sea!  We finally made it to the reef and enjoyed the swim, but I don’t think I have ever seen sea water that purely blue with no sign of pollution, except for the puke of courseJ The sand on every beach seemed to be untouched and virgin, although I know the place is teeming with tourists… especially Italians for some reason.  I hope to go back some day for sure.

Through work and personal relationships, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, my wishes for the future, and my professional skills.  In mid Feb, my two supervisors and the country director gave me feedback via a six month evaluation and for the most part, I am doing well, except for a few minor things that can easily be adjusted.  I’ve taken initiative on a few different innovations and suggested new ways of doing things within the organization, which were received well by some and not others, but I’m learning that working inside an NGO requires good communication and diplomacy when it comes to convincing people of new methods.  I’m up against a larger structure and sometimes larger egos.  Anyhoo, I’m learning and hope that I’ll get the support I need to move forward.  I don’t know yet what the job opportunities are available with my organization or where they will place me next, but I wish for my time here to be longer since I feel I’ve connected so much with the land and the people already.  It looks like I only have two more months left in country to complete my fellowship so I will make the best of what I have.  I’ll be writing and editing a lot of documents, project documentation, learning finance and policies, and going on site visits.  My hope is to continue working as a program manager, but some things are out of my control.  Staying busy has been good for me and I feel pretty healthy, just tired sometimes.  I’m just enjoying the time for what it is and learning to live in the here and now, seeing myself in new ways as well as people around me, building upon my vision for the future as to what might be possible in my life.