Matters of the Heart

Laughter, gratefulness, joy, play, contentment, confidence, hope, strength, faith, teamwork, friendship, spontaneity, openness, commitment, risk, relationship, meditation, reflection, renewal, poetry, prayer, inner power, wisdom, and most of all love…..  these words describe some of what I have felt and experienced in the last five months since my last blog entry.  Check out the private link I sent out to my photo gallery to get a sense of what all of this looks like for me.  If you have not seen it, then email me and I can send it to you.  

I said a prayer during Christmas last year, giving thanks for all the good gifts in my life but I asked God for help to restore some sense of balance and happiness to my life after a long and hard year of working abroad…. and that prayer has been answered ten fold.  My quality of life has improved so much since December that I still have to pinch myself sometimes to check if this is all really happening.  Here are some of the good things that have unfolded recently:  my Timorese health team is responding better to me and connecting with me on a personal and professional level, our team successfully launched the new Korean funded Maternal Child Health project and a birth registration project, I lost over 20 pounds by eating and exercising A LOT, I moved to a new apartment and bought a new motorbike which makes life so much more enjoyable and accessible, my mom came to visit me in March here in Dili and we had some good bonding time, I started learning Portuguese and joined the dance group again to learn a new salsa choreography, and THE most important and life-giving development in my life is falling in love with my dear friend and dance partner Sara. 

Sara is from Portugal and works as a legal advisor to the public defender here in Dili.  She and I are continuing to rehearse with the salsa dance group and hope to perform again in the coming months.  As she and I start building our lives together with her beautiful 4-year old daughter Maria, I ask myself how could I possibly be so lucky and so blessed, other than just to acknowledge it must all be part of the bigger plan.  Now I realize, more than ever before, that when love hits you, you just feel it in your bones… its unmistakable and undeniable; it sinks into you deep down like an anchor in the ocean depths that doesn’t let go… an anchor to a place that feels like home.  She met my mom so I hope that very soon, she has a chance to meet many of you who are reading this entry.

During the last few months, I’ve been able to witness breathtaking sunsets, go out to new restaurants and social dance sessions, host a barbeque housewarming dinner at my new place with coworkers,  visit Jaco Island to snorkel amidst the intricate and colorful fish and coral, and chill out at the beach and camp and swim from time to time (and even wakeboard near Dili).  This time I didn’t do this alone as I have done in the past;  doing all these things with Sara makes all of this so much better.  Meeting her friends, playing with her daughter, and exploring the world together are some of the new and exciting things happening now.     

Work is going pretty well, however I have not been to the field a lot.  I have little time for development of my technical skills b/c most of my time is consumed with staff management and hiring, supporting local partner staff projects, monitoring budgets and lots of team meetings.  I enjoy the work but it is not consuming my life like it did last year, which is a welcome change for me and for the people around me.  As I open up more to people around me, let them into my inner world, I truly feel that life itself and all its hidden gifts and surprises opens up to me and it’s a positive cycle of giving and receiving in the natural order of things with the stuff that really matters—relationships.  My body, mind, and spirit are in a much better place now compared to last year;  I look at the sun in the morning and evening with a new sense of awe and appreciation.  Love is flowing in me and through me, swirling around me, and carrying me forward each day.     All of this may sound new, a bit over the top… a bit different from my past blog updates, but life has offered me something new and I am partaking in it and committing to it with a full and whole heart and happy to share this with friends and family.  No hesitations, not holding back, and giving myself to the moment and to the people in my life.  I believe that the near and distant future holds many good promises and I am looking forward what unfolds and to sharing this unfolding process with those who are reading this.