Searching for a Place Called Home

In this past year and a half since my last blog post, so many big and small, beautiful and challenging events and transitions have unfolded that it feels like they all blend together in a surreal blur of images, painted on a mosaic tapestry of flowing vignettes.  Within this painting however, there are focus points that are incredibly clear in my memory representing significant moments and markers along the way.  Life has a funny way of moving forward so fast, sometimes like a whirlwind and other times like a cool breeze, that you don’t realize all that is happened in a short time; if you don’t catch your breath, the next thing occupies your attention before you had a chance to look back and see how far you’ve come and all that has evolved around you.

The biggest and most significant event that happened in this period of time was the birth and growth of my son Gabriel Lucas, a true treasure who I cherish every day; we continue to be amazed at how fast he is developing.  The name “Gabriel” means God is my strength and “Lucas” means light-giving or illumination.  He was born the night of June 5^th 2015 (just 2 days apart from my own birth date) at a private hospital in Lisbon, Portugal via c-section and weighed about 7 pounds (3.2 kilos).  Since then, he has grown to be a very active, determined, and incredibly cute and charismatic 15 month old toddler who has a smile that will melt you and a fierce curiosity to figure out how things work and interact with everyone.  Truly our pride and joy.  He is already pointing to things he knows, expressing his needs clearly, and sounding out so many pre-language sounds. Hearing him say da-da-da at about 7 months was super exciting for me as well as the day he started to walk—on Father’s day!

Sara (my wife) and I spent Christmas 2014 in the US and in Portugal after she had finished her contract in Timor Leste, and then we decided to spend the first part of 2015 in two in different places, she in Portugal and me in Timor Leste, because she was 4 months pregnant and I had to go back to finish my contract. I stayed there until May to finish up my project work, travel to Nepal for a work trip on child health, sell all our stuff and say goodbye to my colleagues at ChildFund and in Timor, then move back to Lisbon to be with Sara and Maria, in preparation for the birth. Those were difficult days being apart, full of some tears but she was able to visit me and had a pretty smooth second trimester.  In Lisbon, we took pre-natal classes on breastfeeding and basic baby care with a home based nurse, which was super helpful and reduced some anxiety I felt about being a new father.  We also spent time buying a crib, stroller and other baby basics, both feeling overwhelmed with emotion and readiness for the little guy to join us out in the world.  Maria would even ask her mommy to open her mouth so she could call down to Gabriel to pop out alreadyJ During that time, I was working remotely to finalize my deliverables with ChildFund and Sara was struggling with back pain, gestational diabetes, while Maria continued to go through her Pre-K classes at a private school there.  Finally the day came when Sara had so much pain from intermittent contractions that we went to the emergency room and they said much of her amniotic fluid had shrunk and we had to deliver that night; so we had a planned c-section.  The delivery was quite incredible and after lots of pleading with the OBGYN doc, she let me cut the cord… normally they don’t let the hubby do that there with a c-section.  The first time I laid eyes on him, I was amazed how big yet fragile he was.  He did fine on the apgar and the nurse put his cheeks to our cheeks… incredible!  While they completed the operation with Sara, I was with Gabe in post-op, holding him very carefully and reading Psalm 139 to him, pondering how God made him so fearfully and wonderfully! 

The next several months were filled with emotional highs including his first smile and first bite of real food as well as the hard lows of breastfeeding pain (and post-op recovery), long nights with zombie like days.  Having a visit from my parents and sister and her kids was a nice break, as we travelled to the southern beaches of Portugal.  At 3 months of age, he transitioned fully to taking milk from the bottle, while I was spending time searching for a job; we had decided to move to the US at the end of the year to start a new life together, lay down roots and establish our home, just the 4 of us.  Before leaving, we enjoyed several day trips to historical spots in the Portugal, working out at the gym, watching Maria connect with her new baby brother, bonding with Sara’s parents and other in-laws, and also taking an intensive Portuguese course at the local university.  Eu falo melhor agora (I speak better now), but still lots to learn.  I’m grateful to have a multi-cultural and dynamic family of global citizens; I somehow always felt that this would be the case for me.

In November, I worked hard with Sara’s mom to prepare a full turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and invited friends, family and a neighbor over to celebrate this American holiday in Lisbon, which was very memorable… they loved the food!  We also took a very important trip to Guinea Bissau to meet Maria’s biological father, give her a chance to connect with one of her home countries and her own family so she doesn’t forget where she came from, and also have a chance for her to see that she can have two dads without rejecting either.  This trip was well worth it because her father made it clear to her that she should consider me as her father and he granted us all the legal rights to care for her.  Sara also connected with her old friends and achieved more peace about all these complex relationships.

In December, we finally made the big move back to the US to stay with my parents, and spent the first few months of this year near Harper’s Ferry, West Virginia, while I looked for a job.  Sara and the kids meanwhile got adjusted to the new, difficult, and somewhat isolated, cold and snowy life in a rural area in the winter.  Tensions were high at times and the waiting was painful but we survived.    

Maria adapted well to her local school (Kinder) in West Virginia, made new friends, got to know my side of the family even more, and enjoyed her snow days off from school. Sara started a new course in coaching while we received help from a local babysitter. Gabe learned to roll/sit/crawl, sleep longer, and of course charmed us with his amazing belly laugh, while Maria entertained him with songs and dances.  He especially fell in love with baby Einstein shows, listening to objects spoken in different languages, and getting a kick out of the puppets!  Maria was exposed to fast food for the first time, eating at burger king and saying she didn’t understand why they call it fast food when she eats it so slowly!!  Both Sara and Maria referred to me more as her daddy which I consider a milestone in my relationship with my stepdaughter.

In early Spring, after lots of apartment hunting and job searching, we decided to move to a cozy two bedroom apartment in downtown Silver Spring, Maryland.  Around Easter time, I finally had a breakthrough and I was offered a job with ICF International as a senior associate to support several community health projects… ah ha! The Resurrection made real to me in many ways this year.  We yet again relocated ourselves to a new place, moving into our new pad, and making it a new home.  All these changes can't be easy for our little ones but they seem to bounce back and be so resilient! Maria switched again to her third school in Kinder and I started to work as full time staff in mid-April.  ICF is a consulting firm specializing in many sectors with a broad health/development portfolio, including running national health surveys with partners in over 90 impoverished countries. 

Gabe reached his big milestone in June this year- when he turned one year old and then learned to walk a few days later... 10 big steps for a little man!  Now he is nearly running, nearly talking, chewing chunks of food with his new teeth, and adjusted well into a full-time home based local day care as a 15 month old, while Sara scales up her schedule with life coaching work and I continue to be involved in interesting projects at ICF.  Summertime went by so fast yet there were plenty of memorable moments, including Sara’s trip to Portugal with the kids, lots of play dates and summer camps (theater and tennis), tending to the garden with Maria, watching the veggies grow, and Gabe’s babbling with his younger “friend” at day care when falling asleep.  The other big news for our family was Sara and Maria being awarded their green cards (legal permanent residence in the US) and purchasing a second car, enabling us all to have more independence and settle into life here. 

As we start the new school year-- Maria, who is now 6 years old, began first grade already at the same local public school where she ended Kindergarten.  Its part of the Montgomery County system which was the same school system I attended as a kid actually!  As the weather starts to cool down and the leaves begin to change colors, I am reminded that all of that we have built and experienced is a gift from above that could change at any time, so I am thankful for each day.  Family life for Sara and I is definitely challenging at times... just to find time to get good rest, to exercise, meditate, read, and enjoy other things that bring balance but life is often busy so we seek to simplify and find ways to fit these in.  This is our new home that we have longed and searched for and we hope to be stateside for the next several years before the travel bug hits us again.  Maria is bonding more with her brother, new friends and cousins, one with whom she does regular dance presentations and another who is graduating from boot camp, and Gabe continues to be a happy and healthy child.  Sara and I hope to get a few date nights in soon, now that he sleeps better, and looking forward to short trips and other new adventures ahead.  Stay tuned for the next chapter!