Thriving in a New Home

“There are two things you should remember when you work with the people of Timor Leste.  First keep in mind that this is a new country and capacity of people in rural areas is often low and working with them requires patience and understanding;  Second, if you work together in cooperation with the Timorese and you don’t impose your way on them, then they will be open sharing themselves with you, but if you come with all of the answers, they will resist you, as they have done to occupiers in the past.”  This is a paraphrased quote from my Timorese co-worker who responded to the question of how foreigners can best work alongside the local population in the process of development.  It is advice that I have taken to heart and I’m trying to apply it in my daily work and personal life here in this beautiful, challenging, complicated, and peaceful country. 

Over the past three months, I’ve been super busy, handling a truckload full of work duties (reports/meetings/field visits/proposals), and it’s just now easing up a bit so I can breathe being that the financial year of my organization is over, which ended on June 30^th.   I spent most of April finalizing a proposal for a 3 year maternal child health project, which we submitted to the Korean Aid Agency in mid-May, so we hope to hear soon about the decision on that.  I am praying that we are given this $800k grant b/c I feel that it really meets a need and it will be exciting to help launch a brand new project.  My health team members and I hosted a couple monitoring visits with donors from Australia, and also did some team building activities in the midst of finishing out our spending/implementation of the two health projects.   May/June was a bit crazy but we achieved nearly all of our targets, so of course we are all super happy about that.  Our team went out for a lunch to celebrate and actually, I’ve had a chance to hang out with various co-workers on different occasions in the last couple months, getting to know them a bit better; going to movies, the beach, playing pool, and special dinners. 

In fact, my boss invited me and my other expat co-workers to his house for a nice dinner on my birthday, which was refreshing to be out of the office to get to know my colleagues a bit better.  Earlier that day, my co-workers gave me a bitter-sweet surprise for my birthday, which as flattering but startling at the same time.  The national staff decided to gang up and make me believe that one of my staff was going to quit b/c I was “too harsh” in correcting/editing one of her reports!!  Imagine what that was like!  They all crowded around me, staring at me, and accusing me of misconduct at work in their very convincing acting mode and even took pictures, which shocked me of course... then all the sudden they said "surprise, just kidding!!" They told me that they do that for people they really care about and the tension, followed by the relief of smiles, was meant to bring me closer to them and make the surprise sweeter; the sweetness included a nice little choco-coconut cupcake.  I took it lightly, and saw the sentiment behind it, but honestly I was shocked and embarrassed at the moment, then happy with all the love they gave me afterward.   Strangely, after that bitter-sweet moment, I do feel closer to them now, and the members of my team seem to trust me and open up to me, so I’m happy about that.  

I was actually concerned when I first got here about how to be a good leader; one who can inspire and earn the trust and motivation of the staff, but I’m slowly learning how to do that through building my relationship with each person at the office and in the field.  The national staff members try to get me to sing at their karaoke event every Friday at the office, but I refuse b/c I can’t sing, however I did bust a few dance moves when they sung country.  They have pretty good voices, especially singing to John Denver’s “Country Roads!”  Aside from that, even though one of my staff members had some serious personal issues he had to deal with and had to resign last week, we are pressing on and the all the sector teams are growing stronger.  I’ll see what my boss is says at my upcoming performance evaluation meeting, but I’m confident that change is slowly happening. 

Our local partner colleagues were a bit more difficult to work with during the annual planning process last month, and many were resistant to change,  preferring to repeat the easy patterns of the past (activity-based projects), rather than focusing on results or impact.  When presenting new ideas to our local partners on how to improve the impact of their health projects using a structured framework for next fiscal year, only a few of them paid attention to the session and afterward, one of them actually asked me not to give them any orientation, but just let them do their plan as they did in the past.  I knew there would be challenges in the field, but maybe not this intense.  Sometimes I wonder if this line of work is really what I am supposed to be doing in my life right now, when the work never seems to end and I’m writing tons of reports and trying to keep my team on task, but then I remember those moments when I connect on a personal level with someone from a different race, class, and culture and realize it’s all worth it.  I think I’d rather be working within a culture and people different than myself than anywhere else at this time in my life. When I look honestly at myself and my skills and interests, I feel that [at least for now] I was meant to work cross-culturally, to organize projects, to lead, learn from, and teach others, to find solutions to tough public health problems, and to be out of my comfort zone.  

The US is my home country and my roots are American, but when I was back there last year and also after returning from the Peace Corps, the US didn’t really feel like it was meant to be my permanent home.  I am realizing more and more that my home is where I in am in the world, doing what I am passionate about, and being fully absorbed in the socio-cultural-historical context where I am serving and living.  The challenge I have now is truly finding my home and thriving here, rather than just surviving day to day to complete the next task.   I hope to settle down in one place for a longer period of time with a family of my own, but I am still finding new ways of what it means to “settle down” as I sojourn through this world in the different adventures and chapters of my life.  Maybe in the future, I will settle in the countryside with my little garden and happy and relaxed life, but life isn’t that simple and there is much work to do. 

Last month, I joined one of my co-workers to celebrate her daughter’s first communion at a local beach, being that over 90% of the population here is Catholic.  I had a chance to get to know her family and had lots of fun playing on the beach with all of the kids from her extended family who completely surrounded me, asking me who is my favorite football player and insisting on calling me “mister, mister” despite telling them my name at least 5 times!  The kids did enjoy the game “monkey in the middle” when I showed them how to play but they didn’t seem to understand the famous “chicken fight” game, which is fine.  No need to push each other!  I had a great conversation with the secretary of state of Asian affairs at the celebration, who is the relative of our admin staff.  In the office, I stay pretty busy with planning and reporting, but the English skills of many staff still need a lot of work and sometimes I find myself having to nearly re-write reports.  I struggle to communicate basic things with some staff, which takes a lot of time, so patience is really a virtue in this work.  Nevertheless, I’m learning more Tetum when I go to the field and learning how to work with my expat colleagues.  I have had chances to get to know a few other expats in town, doing some networking, but need to get out more.  My Filipina friend/co-worker left to work in another Asian country so I’m a bit sad she left since I felt she was one of the few who really understood my style and I could relate to her well, but I’m meeting more peeps over time.  This job is a lot about how to relate better to people, including my boss(es), even more than the projects themselves and if one of my co-workers benefits from my teaching, that is great, but I’m probably benefitting more from what they teach me about myself and the world. 

I am looking forward to a break in Bali in the next couple months and also to my dad’s visit to Dili next week.  He’ll be here on a consultant assignment and also to visit me, so we’ll have a chance to tour around the island.  I was fortunate to visit Jaco Island to the east on their independence day weekend (May 20)  to do some snorkeling, and got to know a few Aussies, Brits, and Timorese, as well as see an amazing sting ray and elaborate coral reef formation.  In March, I was also lucky enough to join my pastor and his family to fly over Dili in a small airplane run by “Mission Aviation Fellowship” and got to see the city from a whole new perspective (check out the pics on picasa)… pretty amazing being in those little planes.  I also was able to visit Atauro Island to the north with some co-workers and enjoy some tasty fish and swimming clear blue water, so I’ve been able to sneak in a bit of leisure time.  Of course, having a nice balance of work and fun is the goal, so am striving towards that.

Cultural Shape Shifting

Adjusting to life in Dili is not as easy as I thought it might be and the people are teaching me more about myself each day but I’m at peace about living here and happy to be in this place.    Living in another culture totally different from my own is not a new experience for me however each new cross cultural experience brings its own challenges different from the rest, and its own interesting and unexpected moments.  Even after all my years adjusting and adapting to new environments, I can’t help but notice the small things that are quite different from life back home and from life in Africa and the Caribbean, unique to this place.  These include vegetable carts with booming disco music to attract customers, locals walking around 15-20 minutes in a store with their motorbike helmet on b/c there is nowhere to store it (tons of bikers here), the elaborate gift giving system between family members when someone dies (sometimes beyond the means that people can afford--including up to 10 buffalos and $1000 to the family of the deceased), and the unique blend of animist and Catholic traditions in the faith of everyday people.  I am so impressed but often confused when I hear conversations of locals mixing words of the local language, Indonesian, English, and Portuguese in the same paragraph, so I wonder how I will ever learn Tetum, but I am learning slowly.  I can see the Timorese have a strong sense of autonomy and solidarity, being the one small island out of 17,000 islands that broke free from Indonesia control. 

In the office, I am learning how to better relate to the national staff as I do my work, by accepting that work ethics between their culture and mine is different, and there are always reasons for why people do what they do.  I think the universal need for mutual respect and trust will always win over any cultural differences and I am learning more how to demonstrate that in small and more significant ways.  It feels a bit weird to supervise someone older than me, from another culture, and diplomatically propose new changes and ways of doing things, while building up the natural skills and talents of the staff.  I do however feel that my team is understanding my role more and vice versa… bit of a struggle at first.  Also, trying to negotiate many different cultures in the same office environment can be a tricky, but full of rich learning.  My co-workers at the office come from a variety of countries including Nigeria, India, Pakistan, the Philippines, Indonesia, and of course Timor Leste (national staff).  On top of that, I also spend time networking with people from other agencies who come from Australia, UK, Italy, Nepal, Guatemala, Korea, among others. Of course each culture carries its own way of communicating (accents, lingo, non-verbals) and work ethic and set of expectations so it’s a negotiation process—often very slow, but still fluid and I’m somewhat used to it from my experience living in multiple countries.  I’m finding out how adept or how awkward I can be at times in relating to others, which gives me more self-knowledge and appreciation of others and their unique ways.  Working on projects with others towards a common goal (meeting deadlines) definitely builds awareness of universal things that tie people together…the need for consensus, conflict resolution, as well as the practice of patience, kindness, laughter, and solidarity.  There are frustrating moments when the language barrier seems so thick, its like molasses syrup getting anything done... even the nurses in the field have not changed a 9V battery on their 1 doppler machine for 3 months!! (an important tool for pre-natal check ups).  Lots of lessons to learn every day but being “on point” culturally can be tiring.  It’s kind of like cultural shape shifting, staying who I am but blending into new social situations, shifting/ altering ways of relating to people as the situation demands yet finding ways to build bridges.  So I’m trying to get chill time in the midst of the work.

I know that the experts on cultural studies say that it takes a few months to adjust to a new place and letting go of some of the comforts/habits of one’s own culture and accepting new habits and realities is a process.   Once you stop asking why things happen and accept people are just different all around the world and have their own ways of living/coping/adapting to their environments/cultures, and find a home away from home, then life becomes easier.  I am going through that transition process now, and I feel myself letting go more and more.  Thankfully, my Peace Corps experience has taught me adjust to daily realities different from life in America.  This includes super loud motorbikes without mufflers, total disorder when people line up at cafeterias and corner stores for service, being looked at like an alien in the rural areas, intense humidity/heat, windy and dilapidated roads on field trips, long work days and being a fish out of water, not knowing a lot of people in town, and comfort foods frequently unavailable, even milk!  I am adjusting to those realities without much resistance and have found ways to cherish the unique things of life here, such as abundance of tropical fruits, sights and sounds of the ocean and incandescent sunsets, good cheer of my local co-workers, mandated community clean-up events in the city, and relaxing in my new apartment (with a pool) just by the beach.  I also appreciate all the work of the local and foreign NGOs trying to make life better for the people here and the government officials who sincerely want change for the country.  There are tons of expats here and one can really get engaged in a lot of different social activities if you make the time, which I need to do more of.  I have met people at church and at a few social functions, and I try to get a weekly tennis lesson in so that life here is not all work, but lately, I’ve been working super long days and not sleeping as much as I’d like to.  Slowly but surely, I will find the right balance and rhythm to do my work, to practice necessary disciplines, and to have some fun as well.  The third culture kid in me is finding a way to adjust and drop a bit of my own bias/attitude and pick up the local worldview… sort of a melding of the two which can make me versatile, yet a bit displaced in both the home and the new culture.  It ain’t easy, but its an ebb and flow like the sea on the sand, just slowly being immersed in this new environment and in the end, hopefully reflecting a new me and connecting with people on the way.

I still enjoy the field visits, hand down, for sure.  I went to the field (rural districts) with some colleagues from Korea to learn about the local issues as we write a proposal together with the local staff for a new health grant.  While we were there, we met with community leaders and members, and get an earful of good stuff happening there with our projects, but also complaints from some of the community members about broken promises from local NGOs and our partners.  It’s hard to know both sides of the story without having context but hearing about a plan for a water well that did not come through… a promise made 10 years ago, that still has not been fulfilled was hard to hear.  Many communities assume NGOs will always give stuff, yet its just an assessment of the situation, rather than actual plans.  It’s also hard to hear about the mothers who have to give birth at home with just a traditional birth attendant and have no recourse when the delivery is complicated, leading to increased risk of death and disease.  But those stories and voices need to be heard.  Services are available but they are often inaccessible (sometimes pregnant moms have to walk 5 miles on rough roads to get a pre natal check up), so our job as an NGO is work with the government to increase the access and skills of the workers and the community to manage preventable illnesses through high quality programs and well organized strategies.  I am praying this grant comes through and we hope to have an opportunity to help organize the people to change their own situation (with support of course).    Timor has a long history of foreign occupation, poverty, and freedom fighting, so where there is a threat, opportunities lie ahead.  The people have assets and gifts, especially a legacy of autonomy and standing up for their rights… it’s just a matter of tapping into it and working together with people, to cut through the negative attitudes, corruption, and selfishness, and find a way to build together.  There are definitely priceless special moments that I've experienced here in which I really felt a connection with the people, including my recent field trip in which I received a hand made cloth from a little girl and also had a good feedback session with my co-worker.  So the building together ("hamutuk") is happening bit by bit.  

Shaking Things Up

Living and working in a beachside city located just at the edge of the Pacific “Ring of Fire” brings its excitements and its own set of challenges.  My new home is a place called Dili, the capital of East Timor, commonly known as Timor Leste or Lorosae (loroh-sye).    As I write this blog entry, I am trying to shake off the dizzy feeling I just experienced from a mild 5.8 level earthquake in the ocean about 300 km east of here.  No tsunami, no property damage, and nothing to be concerned about, just feeling that my sense of balance thrown off as the ground shook about 20 seconds.  Actually, moving out here to live on a tropical island for 1.5 yrs to work at a new job, with a new organization and a whole new level of responsibilities, in a place 14 time zones from home, is kind of like the earthquake I just felt; rocking my foundation of comfort and routine, requiring I step out in faith to face all the challenges and opportunities which lie ahead. 

Many local Timorese have asked me, “how do you like our country?”  Honored that I would be welcomed here to work alongside the locals to manage and develop projects, I usually respond to them by saying that “the people are kind and warm, that I really enjoy the beaches and mountains, and that I am happy to be a part of the development process of the youngest nation in Asia.”  Timor Leste was a Portuguese colony for over 400 years and then it was handed back to the Timorese in 1975, only to be conquered again… this time by Indonesia--with support from the US to control the “communist” element--about nine days after the hand-over.  Just 10 years ago, the country celebrated its independence after many hard fought military and political battles, including mass killings, “scorched-earth” destruction of infrastructure, and countless human rights abuses.  On a recent field trip, I came across a super steep cliff called “Jarkata Dua” located in Ainaro district; a place where pro-independence Timorese activists were told by Indonesian-supported militias that they could “study for free” in schools of Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia, which was a lie.  They were tricked, then summarily bound up, loaded into dump trucks, and hurled and pushed off the edge of a 100 meter cliff, tumbling to their death.   This happened to hundreds of local villagers for no reason other than to exterminate them in order to maintain political & military control over the people.  Amazingly, some survived the fall and lived to tell the story.  This was obviously a very sad chapter in Timor history, but things are slowly changing.  Timorese don’t hold any grudges against the Indonesians because they blame the past actions of abuse and conquest on the government, not the people.  Members of both nations work together at my office without any feuds, however Indonesians inside Timor still must tread lightly given the past history. 

Being that it is such a new country, many of the basic things like paved roads, reliable & quality health care, clean water, and a stable food supply are rare in many rural areas, however the government and all the international partners like the UN, World Bank and non-governmental organizations (NGOs), like the one I work for, are making strides in helping the nation achieve its development goals set for 2030.  My job as a health advisor is to manage the technical and administrative elements of grant and sponsorship funded health projects, which includes duties such as staff supervision, monitoring/evaluation, proposal writing, analysis and strategizing, networking, budget management, among others.  I really enjoy my job and all the challenges which come along with living in a new culture and learning a new language.  I suppose I was made for this sort of work, and so far, this seems like the right place for me to be.  My assignment with this organization and the atmosphere here feels like a good fit for me.  The move out here was not a drastic change from my previous work but still enough to shake things up in my life where each day is different from the last and opportunities for problem-solving and creativity come with the territory.

I arrived to Timor Leste on Jan 6 of this year, and I feel like I am adjusting well to social and work life here.  I’ll be starting language classes next month with my co-workers, but I’ve been learning survival words.  Despite this country having over 20 living languages, I am catching on, especially because many words are borrowed from Portuguese, which is similar to Spanish.  Actually, the average Timorese in Dili speaks 3 to 4 languages, but Tetum, the official language, is pretty easy to learn. Obrigadu means “thank you” and diak ka lae means “how are you?”… the pronunciation is mostly phonetic and most people speak in present tense.  Many staff still struggle with English, so that is a major challenge in terms of efficient and effective communication in the office.  I work with six other expats at the office and luckily, the national staff work well with the expats; very open and accepting.  In fact, the local staff has invited us expats to their karaoke events, which they conduct after work every Friday in the meeting room, so I have yet to scare them away with my singing voice!  The UN has run a special peace keeping mission here since 2000, but the mission is closing now and the local police are taking over.  This means the people are very accustomed to seeing foreigners (we are called “Malay” over here).  There are lots of ex-pat activities and so far I’ve attended a few, like the Scottish ritual dinner called “Burns Night” where I ate a not-so-tasty sausage called Haggis and learned how to “strip the willow” (traditional dance).  These events have given me some good work contacts as well.  I also attended an English speaking church a couple times, which has a mix of expats and locals, and visited the local beach called Cristo Rei, where I enjoyed a nice swim in the ocean and visited the famous JESUS statue, much like the one in Rio, Brazil.  I also visited the US Embassy’s “Democracy Ball” to celebrate Obama’s inauguration with the diplomats and NGO community, in addition to meeting up with some of my American friends, who currently work for my previous employer.  Today, I just had my first tennis lesson with a local coach, and hit the ball around a bit with some kids afterwards.  I hope to keep up the exercise schedule and meeting more locals and foreigners at social events in town.   

Currently, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with internet access and free cleaning service, only about a 7 minute walk from the office, but I will be moving soon to an apartment near the beach within the next week, in addition to buying a new mountain bike.  I’ve had a few meals with my UN neighbors from Abkhazia (a region in the south Caucuses near Russia) who always offer me vodka every time I pass by their apartment.  It would be rude to refuse! I’m pretty exhausted after work and the assignments keep getting piled on top of me.   The local food selection in Dili is quite good and I can find almost all the groceries I need, in addition to some good Thai and Indian food.  Unfortunately, I was sick with typhoid last month, likely from the street food I ate (which I promised myself I won’t eat again), but overall I’m healthy and happy.  It would be cool to have friends and family from the US visit, but I know it’s a long way to travel!  I’m still hoping to see the famed 25 foot pythons and the massive crocodiles as well as the beautiful coral reefs, in addition to the local dances and Tais fabric weaving.  All in good time. The landscape consists mostly of mountains and the scuba diving/snorkeling sites are supposed to be some of the best in the world.  The island itself is shaped like the head of a crocodile, therefore Timorese children are told they all descended from this "Grandpa Crocodile", which is tied into the lore and fables of the culture. 

Timor Leste has a rich culture of dance, music, art, language, and a fierce sense of independence.  It’s a very Catholic country (about 98% of the population) so I’ll be partaking in the holy week activities no doubt and visiting the cathedrals.  On a recent field trip, I was sharing the story of Wizard of Oz with my co-workers, somehow related to a conversation about local healers using magic, which is still common here.  The negative consequence of this is that many villagers delay seeking care for curable diseases like malaria and pneumonia.  Nevertheless, my colleagues loved the story, so I hope to have an Oz watch party at some point.  They also invited me to visit the local medicine man, just to check out the rituals, so I plan to do that.   There was a really cool youth fundraiser last month which I attended, where about 5 groups of teenagers had a hip-hop and capoeira dance-off, kind of like those US dance competition movies, with judges and a rowdy crowd.  Youth in this country--about half the nation is under 18 years of age-- have so much potential but very few opportunities to find a good job, so my colleagues and I are developing new project ideas to create a work/life skill training program. 

 Like many post-colonial countries, poverty levels and tropical disease rates are high, the education system is weak, corruption is rampant, and as usual, the women and children suffer the most here in this island.  The NGO I work for, largely supported by child sponsorship money, and more recently grants from Australia’s Aid agency, has been here since 1990 and has a central staff of over 40 people working with 5 local partner groups to help improve the livelihoods of Timorese children and their families.  Our NGO mission is to improve the well-being of vulnerable and deprived children around the world and to help them become leaders and change agents in their communities.  I have been to the field twice so far (in the east and the south of the country) and have seen this mission in action.  From watching children fetch their water from a local tap rather than the river and learning that mothers can now take their sick children to a clinic which we helped to rehabilitate, I can see change happening.  

The projects I work on right now involve malaria prevention, improving maternal child health, and assisting sub-district clinic leaders to develop micro-plans to increase child immunization rates.  Being a manager is a new experience for me, with its own difficulties and joys, but I am learning as I go how to be a leader.  My co-workers are very engaged and I have a very supportive supervisor, which I am very thankful for, in addition to a supportive ministry of health.  At the end of a recent government meeting on malaria/dengue control conducted in Tetum, I was asked what we could do to support the ministry, and somehow I gave an answer in the midst of dozing off during a meeting which I didn’t fully understand!  Honestly, I have lots of room to be creative, propose new ideas, participate in trainings, and facilitate the development of a strategic plan for the health program with my staff.  In sum, our NGO has a lot of opportunity to grow and I feel I’m developing good relationships with the local staff.  This is a good place for me to be at this time in my life, so let’s see what happens next in this new adventure.   During my time here, I hope to be able to influence the change process in a developing nation, and will undoubtedly be changed, shaped, and even shaken by this experience and all the people I come into contact with. 

In Transition

Once again, I am in a time of transition, in the gray zone, neither here nor there, trying to live into each day while working towards the next steps of the unfolding plan in my life. Everything has it's time and as I am in transition, I realize that like the changing of the seasons, some things must die for new life to flourish, so I'm trying to figure out what that means by being aware and reflective of this moment, of events of the past year, and of myself- my strengths/weaknesses, my passions, and my potential.  Famous science fiction author Isaac Asimov once said, "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that is troublesome."

The last few months have been exciting and a bit tumultuous, filled with several unexpected events.  In June, my supervisor in Tanzania approved me to be a program manager on my final evaluation, however positions were quite limited this year within the agency due to a shift in company strategy, to more of a business model with less positions available globally for ex-pats.   So since that time, I've been making contacts and putting in applications for public health work with other NGOs in Africa, mostly focused on HIV, child health, nutrition and disability oriented projects... and I'm still looking.  Later in June, I visited friends in Dar and also went to the field to participate in a workshop for community health workers on nutrition and the benefits of the orange flesh sweet potato for children (OFSP-especially vitamin A for vision).  I had a chance to enjoy a bunch of different OFSP products -cooked up by the participants, including juice, chips, chapattis (tortillas), and rice, among others.  During June, I also worked as a volunteer to assist the manager of an orphanage with his fundraising strategy and spend more time playing football/soccer with the kids. 

In July, I supported my colleagues with another training on the economic and health benefits of the Moringa tree and continued to assist with budget and evaluation activities of the OVC-orphan vulnerable children-project focused on strengthening the household economy.  I also had the opportunity to visit a traditional dance event near Mwanza, watching young Sukuma warriors (the local tribe) do an incredible choreographed number--which is usually done with a large snake, but I missed that one-- where dance circles would form with the local people gathering around to see the different patterns of dance and costumes of their people.  Just near the dance session was a Catholic church called Bujora, which I visited, illustrating the blend of modern and traditional cultures in the homily and the architecture.  The Sukuma people are one of the biggest tribes in Tanzania and are mostly peaceful farmers (however many have jobs in the city now), practicing modern and ancient traditions, as well as having a deep respect for the forces of nature and their ancestors.   Most of the people I worked with in the field were from the Sukuma tribe.

July was actually a very difficult month for me.  Not only was I dealing with uncertainty around my job situation, but also both of my dogs died! The older male dog “Crocodile” caught a really bad airborne virus and just was not strong enough to fight it off.  He was already 10 years old.  The other dog “Cheetah” died from poisoning, supposedly by thieves who threw a piece of poisoned food over my fence as part of their master plan to break in the house.  Actually, the day that Cheetah got fatally sick was when the thieves had cut another large hole into my fence the night before (for the second time), likely when my security guard was sleeping or collaborating with them.  Needless to say, he was fired and nothing was stolen.  But it was unnerving to have this happen twice and my second dog die within weeks of my departure.  Very sad.  My gardener and I buried both dogs in the backyard and said a prayer for their entrance to doggie heaven or wherever their spirits go.  This was at the same time that one of my colleagues from Geita, a 36 year old mother, passed away from complications due to a blood clot in her leg--- much too young to die, but only God knows why that happened.  My supervisor and team went to her funeral in another part of the country. 

After filling out those incident reports, low and behold about a week later, 2 thieves broke into my locked car and stole my backpack, which had my work computer, my house keys, my iPod, and a few other electronic items.  I had parked on a major road during daylight hours and went grocery shopping, and came back 5 minutes later to see that my door was busted and my backpack was gone.  I was so mad and shocked, and asked the local storeowners if they saw anything, but not a word or a witness!  No doubt these guys were tracking me.  So I went with a coworker to report it to the police and of course to my employer, but felt it was pointless since many police officers are corrupt anyway.  Since the thieves stole my keys, I was locked out, so I crashed at a hotel that night.  Over the next few days, I figured the computer, with all my important data, was gone and I was trying to grieve these losses one at a time.  Amazingly, about a week later, the lead investigator, who is a local cop with a super tight puma shirt and a big potbelly, promised me that he and his team would find the guys who took my bag.... and they did!  They actually took me to the police station and brought out the 40-year-old poor dude who stole my bag... a raggedy thief and looking clueless and guilty.  I felt bad for him.  I had no words.  So they put him in the rear of a land cruiser and cuffed him to the car seat as we went looking for the guy who bought and re-sold my computer.  Me and the puma-guy and his team went in and out of the shacks within inner-city Mwanza and found the mom and sisters of the buyer, trying to convince them to hand over their guilty relative, as they pointed to me, the do-gooder white guy in need of his stolen laptop! It was like out of a movie.  A series of other events happened which eventually led the cops to find the laptop from a forth buyer about 100 km away, but my belief is that the police had the laptop the whole time... just waiting for my USD$200 tip.  The cop actually described how the computer was stolen, step-by-step and the thieves only sold it for $250! He also told me how many murder and theft cases he cracked, boasting how good he was.  Anyhoo, the cop gave me the re-formatted laptop and luckily I had backed up most of my data.  What a crazy experience!  I learned the importance of always being aware of my surroundings and sadly, that sometimes a little “incentive” helps to get the job done in working with a corrupt institution.  

Of course these were isolated negative events which occurred in succession, for which I am not casting blame or hatred, but accepting that the bad comes with the good anywhere on earth at anytime.  Its just part of life.  I hold my time in TZ close to my heart as a positive experience.      

During the first part of August, I mostly spent time with my Tanzanian friends, enjoying the moments which remained and also visited a field site north of Mwanza to observe how another US-based NGO is using USDA funds to implement a school feeding program with local partners, training teachers and parents to carry out healthy food preparation and organize the people to build new classes and buy books for the kids.  Very innovative work for sure!  I had a chance to do some shopping, say goodbye to friends, and come back home in mid August, just in time for a big family reunion-which is what I was longing for.  I was able to stop in Nairobi on my way home for informational interviews and also visit some of my childhood spots like my old house and school.  Honestly, I am very happy with the work I was able to accomplish: assisted with the management of 2 health projects, visited various communities in the field at least 15 times to assist with multiple projects, built capacity of a few local co-workers on evaluation methods, assisted with proposal writing and strategic planning, wrote technical reports, and learned about budgeting/finance.  I also hiked to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, visited beautiful beaches and the Serengeti, formed meaningful relationships with Tanzanians, and fell in love.  I learned how to live in the moment, appreciate the people and events around me, and make the most of each day.   

I am now staying with my family in Martinsburg, West Virginia (eastern tip just near DC) for the time being as I search for another international development job that is a right fit for me.  I'm hoping to return to the field as soon as possible, preferably to Eastern or Southern Africa, to continue building my experience as a public health technical specialist.  I've had a few interviews and I turned down what looked like an offer because it was not the right job for me.  So as I part of my selectiveness yet openness to work and travel, I know there are inner tensions I must deal with.  It's an uncomfortable and uneasy place to be for sure.  I knew that with no guarantee of employment, the next step would not be automatic, so that realization is helping harness my patience. 

With patience and consciousness, I am trying to accept the present uncertainties, trusting God has a plan for me and is continuing to inter-work that plan through my life, using those setbacks and challenges of the past as I put in my effort and live with passion and focus.   I know this is a temporary state right now and I have faith that the goals I have in mind for my future will somehow come to fruition, learning to be grateful for the good times I've had, for what I've been given, and to simply keep looking and moving forward.   I know there are a lot of people out there in my position, so I'm thankful to have support of friends and family to help get me through this tough time.   It helps me to remember this Buddhist quote: “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”